Sometimes there are people who enter your life at a very young age and you just know that they are special. They are thoughtful and meaningful and never make you feel like you are not welcome. They stay in your heart forever. They may never know how often you think of them because you don't pick up the phone and call or write often or stop by... but you know by the tear in your soul how important they were to you.
I know that it is a bit of a contradiction to say that you are surprised when someone who is almost 90 years old passes away... but the suddenness and permenance of death is always a shock. It feels like a sharp correction to remind you that life is moving along and nothing stays the same.
I will sit here tonight and sip a cup of tea in memory of the woman who never made me feel like anything less than her grandchild (even though I was her step grandchild). She never used those words and never had anything but kind words and encouragement. She was always so happy to see me (and I her). When I think of her all I see is a big warm smile and a hug.
I still have her recipe for warmed sweet buns (mamas Bulla) scrawled out in loopy handwritten note.
While I regret not getting out to see her during her last few years, I know why I did not. I knew that she had dementia and I did not want to see her and bear witness to the event of her not knowing who I was. I have experienced that with my other gramma and it is not how I want to remember my Aunty Vicky.
In the end I do not know if I made the right decision. But for now I will mourn the woman who she was and cherish my memories of her.
I know that you were greatly loved Aunty Vicky and in your passing there will be a void that can not be filled.