You don't realise it at the time, but when you have a baby everyone else who had a baby around the same time is now in your posse. You think that you will stay in touch with your non mom friends. But soon they get tired of talking about your breasts in a food production sense. They don't see what is so facinating about mustard seed new born poop and there is a good chance that they want to kick you in the junk everytime you launch into your birthing war story.
So you find new friends through public health groups, community centres and through other new moms. These are now your people. You will remember these women like they are family. You will see them at the mall 5 years later and give them a hug because they were there for all the horrible stories and first bop on the head and first tooth. Your dog may have licked the germaphobe's kid but its all cool. This is where you belong.
You remember their kids names (if not theirs). You recognise random kids at the park or ice rink. This is because you were there in their first year of life. These are the bonds that stick. I met my best friend 9 years ago because she was wearing a pair of maternity capris that I had on as well. Our 'babies' were born 1 day apart (one 10 days late, one 10 days early).
You share the rough patches with these sisters.You debate name choice, ambivelant husbands, sibling rivalry, sugar vs. Nutra sweet, hormone releasing bottles and the issue of blocked milk ducts. I know these people better than I know some of my family.
2 years ago someone in my Hot Mama community got the devastating news that she had an aggressive form of breast cancer. Her children are the same ages as my #1 & #3. Her diagnosis scared the crap out of me. I immediately booked a breast exam and began compulsively checking for lumps. She had a lump but because she was breast feeding her son she was told that it was probably a blocked milk duct. I began thinking of Jackie and crying. She is from my home town and our mothers work & play together. While she and I are not 'friends' in the usual context, she is my community by default due to the ties that bind us in motherhood.
Jackie has fought her aggressive cancer with everything in her arsenal. She has undergone every treatment and taken her fight to Germany to get specialised chemo therapy. In the last few months it has seemed like the cancer is taking over. While her determination to beat this has not waned, the cancer is attacking her body on so many levels. Jackie's story is not mine to tell - but her fight hits me in the gut then punches me in the face. This is real.
I think of her boys. Her high school love who also happens to be her husband and partner. I think of her brother and sister. I think of her mom. All of her friends and colleagues who have supported her family through this. I think of all the mothers who gasp when they hear her story because they know that by the grace of God there go they.
On a blog entry about a year ago Jackie commented that she knew that she needed to get things ready for her children in case she did not survive this disease. I do not know where she found the strength between fighting all of this and having hope and then dealing with the reality that she needed to DO SOMETHING so her boys remember her. They are 7 & 3. Where do you start? How do you write down everything that you would have taught them over the years? How do you find the strength between all the other stuff to make it happen? How do you leave your mark as a mother on a 3 year old? How do you cope with the overwhelming grief that you will not be there to see them grow into the wonderful caring people they are bound to become? How can your community keep your spirit alive?
We all die. This is not a question. But some deaths are timely and expected. Others happen way too soon before your work is done. It is up to the world around your family to keep memories alive. Treat each other with respect and caring. You simply do not know what they have endured to be here today.
I wish strength to her and to her family. I am praying for a miracle for my fellow Hot Mama.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Farewell Aunty Vicky,
Sometimes there are people who enter your life at a very young age and you just know that they are special. They are thoughtful and meaningful and never make you feel like you are not welcome. They stay in your heart forever. They may never know how often you think of them because you don't pick up the phone and call or write often or stop by... but you know by the tear in your soul how important they were to you.
I know that it is a bit of a contradiction to say that you are surprised when someone who is almost 90 years old passes away... but the suddenness and permenance of death is always a shock. It feels like a sharp correction to remind you that life is moving along and nothing stays the same.
I will sit here tonight and sip a cup of tea in memory of the woman who never made me feel like anything less than her grandchild (even though I was her step grandchild). She never used those words and never had anything but kind words and encouragement. She was always so happy to see me (and I her). When I think of her all I see is a big warm smile and a hug.
I still have her recipe for warmed sweet buns (mamas Bulla) scrawled out in loopy handwritten note.
While I regret not getting out to see her during her last few years, I know why I did not. I knew that she had dementia and I did not want to see her and bear witness to the event of her not knowing who I was. I have experienced that with my other gramma and it is not how I want to remember my Aunty Vicky.
In the end I do not know if I made the right decision. But for now I will mourn the woman who she was and cherish my memories of her.
I know that you were greatly loved Aunty Vicky and in your passing there will be a void that can not be filled.
I know that it is a bit of a contradiction to say that you are surprised when someone who is almost 90 years old passes away... but the suddenness and permenance of death is always a shock. It feels like a sharp correction to remind you that life is moving along and nothing stays the same.
I will sit here tonight and sip a cup of tea in memory of the woman who never made me feel like anything less than her grandchild (even though I was her step grandchild). She never used those words and never had anything but kind words and encouragement. She was always so happy to see me (and I her). When I think of her all I see is a big warm smile and a hug.
I still have her recipe for warmed sweet buns (mamas Bulla) scrawled out in loopy handwritten note.
While I regret not getting out to see her during her last few years, I know why I did not. I knew that she had dementia and I did not want to see her and bear witness to the event of her not knowing who I was. I have experienced that with my other gramma and it is not how I want to remember my Aunty Vicky.
In the end I do not know if I made the right decision. But for now I will mourn the woman who she was and cherish my memories of her.
I know that you were greatly loved Aunty Vicky and in your passing there will be a void that can not be filled.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Dear Post Thanksgiving Ugh,
I have a confession. I don't like turkey. Ever. I will eat it as a sandwich meat ONLY because it is the most low fat low calorie sandwich meat. I dream of the day we go 'Italian' on a thanksgiving and make three different kinds of lasagna. But until that blessed day I must endure the turkey...
This year I bought a fresh turkey at Costco. Great idea. Was able to brine the bird (first time - squee!) . It was a success. HWSNBN, who can rarely muster any enthusiasm, proclaimed it fabulous (although not able to be entirely happy went on to lament the fact that the turkeys never cook on time like all the websites say... BUT before he complained about that he said he liked how juicy the turkey was. Score one for me... it was my idea and I did all the work except toe get the guts out (actually I am at about 814 to his 9. But who's counting?)
After the brining I noticed that there were some 'bits' coming out of the bird. Turns out that the brining puffed out the flesh so that the remaining feather roots poked through... CUE yuk sac. So I spent the next 10 minutes picking them out. Could have cried but could not feed family bird with feathers still on it. Pick, pluck, pick, pluck.... f&cking hate turkeys.
Had the family over minus some members due to being out of town, illness and work. It was really nice. HOWEVER I can't help but be amazed that after all that prep the dinner was complete after 30 minutes. WHAT???
Grocery shopping for thanksgiving dinner 4 hours
brining prep 1 hour (had to locate vat large enough & clear out fridge
brining 24 hours
cooking 5 hours (should have been 4 according to websites..... grrrr)
And then POOF all done in 30 minutes. Goodbyes have taken longer at the airport than it took my family to scarf down dinner.
Next year we are going European and celebrating with lasagna. No feathers and less prep. Amen.
This year I bought a fresh turkey at Costco. Great idea. Was able to brine the bird (first time - squee!) . It was a success. HWSNBN, who can rarely muster any enthusiasm, proclaimed it fabulous (although not able to be entirely happy went on to lament the fact that the turkeys never cook on time like all the websites say... BUT before he complained about that he said he liked how juicy the turkey was. Score one for me... it was my idea and I did all the work except toe get the guts out (actually I am at about 814 to his 9. But who's counting?)
After the brining I noticed that there were some 'bits' coming out of the bird. Turns out that the brining puffed out the flesh so that the remaining feather roots poked through... CUE yuk sac. So I spent the next 10 minutes picking them out. Could have cried but could not feed family bird with feathers still on it. Pick, pluck, pick, pluck.... f&cking hate turkeys.
Had the family over minus some members due to being out of town, illness and work. It was really nice. HOWEVER I can't help but be amazed that after all that prep the dinner was complete after 30 minutes. WHAT???
Grocery shopping for thanksgiving dinner 4 hours
brining prep 1 hour (had to locate vat large enough & clear out fridge
brining 24 hours
cooking 5 hours (should have been 4 according to websites..... grrrr)
And then POOF all done in 30 minutes. Goodbyes have taken longer at the airport than it took my family to scarf down dinner.
Next year we are going European and celebrating with lasagna. No feathers and less prep. Amen.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Dear Mean Girl Muffia,
I refer to the Muffia at my kids school often - but stumbled across a blog post by hockemomblog.net which accurately describes the phenomemon.
"I know you have a Muffia at your school, club, church, neighborhood association or sports league; the group of moms who seek power and prestige through getting in with the teachers, chairing committees and claiming parking spots. They travel in packs and make sure their children do as well.
For those who are wondering: Who are the Muffia? How do I spot them? Is there a Muffia uniform? I give you a quick Muffia Hierarchy:
1.) Associate: A Workout, Yoga or Tennis Outfit...she's not quite as "into it" as the rest of the Muffia, mostly because she is so busy with her training schedule. She is forever in her workout clothes just to remind you that she is better than you, and has just come from the gym.
2.) The Foot Soldier: Style varies depending on her schedule. She is busy keeping up with her little ones and reporting to all the duties the Capo ropes her into. She is often found on set up/clean up duty at events. Not all foot soldiers become Capos, plenty happily volunteer for years without any aspirations of power. Others drop out altogether.
3.) Capo: Cardigan, bootcut jeans, Dansko clogs, Vera Bradley bag with plenty of pens...she's been around long enough to carry an important folder to school pick up. It's full of committee notes to be passed to the Boss, or some other such nonsense. Her chief duties are furthering the agenda of the Boss, whatever that might be that week.
4.) Consigliere (Underboss): The closest confidante of the boss. She will usually be the most attractive one of the bunch, and the wealthiest. She was chosen for this position by the boss for these qualities. She is dressed well, carries a Luis Vuitton bag, wears Ray Bans and drives a shiny SUV. She goes on glamorous vacations and talks about them loudly. She makes the Boss seems fancy by association.
5.) The Boss: She is the quintessential Mean Girl. She was picked on as a teenager and has decided to make sure this never happens to her own children. She ensures this by yielding extreme power over other mothers, teachers, the principal. She ensures her children are in the right class, on the right teams, with the right children. She chooses her husband's friends. The Boss believes her children are entitled to the best of everything and that her purpose is to make sure they get it. The rest of us are just in the way.
How to deal with the Muffia, you ask? Well that, my friends, is a story for another day. Tomorrow, I promise.
To Be Continued.... http://hockemomblog.net"
Hats off to you www.hockemomblog.net for a great summary.
"I know you have a Muffia at your school, club, church, neighborhood association or sports league; the group of moms who seek power and prestige through getting in with the teachers, chairing committees and claiming parking spots. They travel in packs and make sure their children do as well.
For those who are wondering: Who are the Muffia? How do I spot them? Is there a Muffia uniform? I give you a quick Muffia Hierarchy:
1.) Associate: A Workout, Yoga or Tennis Outfit...she's not quite as "into it" as the rest of the Muffia, mostly because she is so busy with her training schedule. She is forever in her workout clothes just to remind you that she is better than you, and has just come from the gym.
2.) The Foot Soldier: Style varies depending on her schedule. She is busy keeping up with her little ones and reporting to all the duties the Capo ropes her into. She is often found on set up/clean up duty at events. Not all foot soldiers become Capos, plenty happily volunteer for years without any aspirations of power. Others drop out altogether.
3.) Capo: Cardigan, bootcut jeans, Dansko clogs, Vera Bradley bag with plenty of pens...she's been around long enough to carry an important folder to school pick up. It's full of committee notes to be passed to the Boss, or some other such nonsense. Her chief duties are furthering the agenda of the Boss, whatever that might be that week.
4.) Consigliere (Underboss): The closest confidante of the boss. She will usually be the most attractive one of the bunch, and the wealthiest. She was chosen for this position by the boss for these qualities. She is dressed well, carries a Luis Vuitton bag, wears Ray Bans and drives a shiny SUV. She goes on glamorous vacations and talks about them loudly. She makes the Boss seems fancy by association.
5.) The Boss: She is the quintessential Mean Girl. She was picked on as a teenager and has decided to make sure this never happens to her own children. She ensures this by yielding extreme power over other mothers, teachers, the principal. She ensures her children are in the right class, on the right teams, with the right children. She chooses her husband's friends. The Boss believes her children are entitled to the best of everything and that her purpose is to make sure they get it. The rest of us are just in the way.
How to deal with the Muffia, you ask? Well that, my friends, is a story for another day. Tomorrow, I promise.
To Be Continued.... http://hockemomblog.net"
Hats off to you www.hockemomblog.net for a great summary.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Dear First Time Mom,
Hello! So good to hear from you! Hope you are not too puffy & can still fit into your shoes!
Here is the low down on my labours:
L - water broke at 39 weeks. because I was strep B + I had to go to the family birthing unit (which should be renamed She Who Roared Unit) right away and get hooked up to some petocin to start the contractions. That was horrific as the contractions were coupling & I could not catch my breath.
Cue the anesthetologist! I had my epidural and everything was puppies and balloons. I pushed for about 2 hours once I was fully dialated but nothing... everyone who did an internal exam went up to their elbows and said 'Baby too High!'.
L. never came into the birth canal and ended up being a csection. Which was kind of gross as I was injured from all the pushing (and yes you will poop and vomit {definately poop due to the pushing} - vomitting can happen when you transition from one stage of labour to the end stage) and had my section scar (which is technically 'bikini safe' however that can never be proven as no 'regular' women have ever worn a bikini after children).
It's all very UNSEXY and it is amazing that people have more than one baby.
R: super gross. Water broke again without contractions. He was bron at 33 weeks so the c section went through thicker muscle and joy of joys I also got an infecton in the incision.
E: water broke 37 weeks. Scheduled c-section although got bumped off the OR table by some junkie who took a bunch of cocaine and went into early labour with a baby heart beat over 200. So while waiting for the OR to turn around I started to have contractions on my own... it was okay and they grew more intense every cycle. But you are not allowed to 'labour' for your third c section as it is very dangerous for baby and you due to placenta abruption. So wisked in for the c section. It was my BEST section and I felt like Posh Spice (minus the concrete tits).
Okay so just re read this and have deemed myself a c section expert and a vaginal birth 'tard.
So here is my c section words of wisdom:
- spinal anesthisia is horrific but no one even pretends that a needle in the spine is a walk in the park. Honesty is nice.
- baby is born quickly and your partner can watch baby being born and will likely be given baby to bring to your face.
- it can take a while for the spinal to wear off. In BC they keep you in the recovery room until you can feel the ice on your chest. Baby usually stays with mom and they encourage you to start breast feeding & snuggling skin on skin.
- you will have a tube for pee (can't recall the name right now...) but nothing makes the pee bag classy so don't even try. Cathetar! It stays for about 24 hours and it is a mind over matter thing to get your body to pee on demand. And then you have an Austin Powers pee due to the fact that your bladder finally has space to stretch out.
- your breast milk might be delayed in coming in if you have a section. Might come in on day 3 or 4 as opposed to day 2 or 3 with a vaginal birth. MAKE the lactation consultants stay with you and teach you about latch. It can be like a lunar docking. Tiny baby - big boob. Try the football hold if the cross body hold doesn't work. Nurses will know what this is.
- you still bleed alot after a c section (not at the incision but vaginally). Someone told me that they shop vacced when they did a c section but that never happened for me for any of my sections. Prepare with BIG pads. Hospital will have some but make sure you have some for home.
- you cramp as your uterus goes back to size.
- take deep breaths every 15 minutes (or as often as you can remember) as this will help with any shoulder pain (air trapped when they sew you back up) and will ensure your lungs are reaching capacity.
- they will give you a morpine bollus before you leave the OR. You will feel AMAZING for about 24hours (then you get itchy) and you will be getting out of bed, moving furniture around, etc). then day 2 hits and you want to cry and cry and cry because you realise someone actually cut open your belly. And it hurt. You can use tylenol and advil at the same time but I always found that advil worked best for surgical pain. Okay for baby as it is only for a few days and your milk will not be in full force.
- watch for infection at your incision - it will be a red 'creeping' up or down your torso. It's not good but they have great antibiotics that you can take. You might get staples - which are great unless you have an allergy.
- you will sneeze or laugh when the morphine has worn off and it willl HURT. You will be amazed at how often you sneeze in real life.
I felt 'recovered' from my sections about a week later. Take all the help you can get. Sleep when baby sleeps.
oh my goodness - this sounds scary! But no matter what the delivery is over quickly and the real scary stuff starts... parenting!
I hope it all goes well! Thinking about you and can't wait to get the update.
Here is the low down on my labours:
L - water broke at 39 weeks. because I was strep B + I had to go to the family birthing unit (which should be renamed She Who Roared Unit) right away and get hooked up to some petocin to start the contractions. That was horrific as the contractions were coupling & I could not catch my breath.
Cue the anesthetologist! I had my epidural and everything was puppies and balloons. I pushed for about 2 hours once I was fully dialated but nothing... everyone who did an internal exam went up to their elbows and said 'Baby too High!'.
L. never came into the birth canal and ended up being a csection. Which was kind of gross as I was injured from all the pushing (and yes you will poop and vomit {definately poop due to the pushing} - vomitting can happen when you transition from one stage of labour to the end stage) and had my section scar (which is technically 'bikini safe' however that can never be proven as no 'regular' women have ever worn a bikini after children).
It's all very UNSEXY and it is amazing that people have more than one baby.
R: super gross. Water broke again without contractions. He was bron at 33 weeks so the c section went through thicker muscle and joy of joys I also got an infecton in the incision.
E: water broke 37 weeks. Scheduled c-section although got bumped off the OR table by some junkie who took a bunch of cocaine and went into early labour with a baby heart beat over 200. So while waiting for the OR to turn around I started to have contractions on my own... it was okay and they grew more intense every cycle. But you are not allowed to 'labour' for your third c section as it is very dangerous for baby and you due to placenta abruption. So wisked in for the c section. It was my BEST section and I felt like Posh Spice (minus the concrete tits).
Okay so just re read this and have deemed myself a c section expert and a vaginal birth 'tard.
So here is my c section words of wisdom:
- spinal anesthisia is horrific but no one even pretends that a needle in the spine is a walk in the park. Honesty is nice.
- baby is born quickly and your partner can watch baby being born and will likely be given baby to bring to your face.
- it can take a while for the spinal to wear off. In BC they keep you in the recovery room until you can feel the ice on your chest. Baby usually stays with mom and they encourage you to start breast feeding & snuggling skin on skin.
- you will have a tube for pee (can't recall the name right now...) but nothing makes the pee bag classy so don't even try. Cathetar! It stays for about 24 hours and it is a mind over matter thing to get your body to pee on demand. And then you have an Austin Powers pee due to the fact that your bladder finally has space to stretch out.
- your breast milk might be delayed in coming in if you have a section. Might come in on day 3 or 4 as opposed to day 2 or 3 with a vaginal birth. MAKE the lactation consultants stay with you and teach you about latch. It can be like a lunar docking. Tiny baby - big boob. Try the football hold if the cross body hold doesn't work. Nurses will know what this is.
- you still bleed alot after a c section (not at the incision but vaginally). Someone told me that they shop vacced when they did a c section but that never happened for me for any of my sections. Prepare with BIG pads. Hospital will have some but make sure you have some for home.
- you cramp as your uterus goes back to size.
- take deep breaths every 15 minutes (or as often as you can remember) as this will help with any shoulder pain (air trapped when they sew you back up) and will ensure your lungs are reaching capacity.
- they will give you a morpine bollus before you leave the OR. You will feel AMAZING for about 24hours (then you get itchy) and you will be getting out of bed, moving furniture around, etc). then day 2 hits and you want to cry and cry and cry because you realise someone actually cut open your belly. And it hurt. You can use tylenol and advil at the same time but I always found that advil worked best for surgical pain. Okay for baby as it is only for a few days and your milk will not be in full force.
- watch for infection at your incision - it will be a red 'creeping' up or down your torso. It's not good but they have great antibiotics that you can take. You might get staples - which are great unless you have an allergy.
- you will sneeze or laugh when the morphine has worn off and it willl HURT. You will be amazed at how often you sneeze in real life.
I felt 'recovered' from my sections about a week later. Take all the help you can get. Sleep when baby sleeps.
oh my goodness - this sounds scary! But no matter what the delivery is over quickly and the real scary stuff starts... parenting!
I hope it all goes well! Thinking about you and can't wait to get the update.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Dear School District 36 (Surrey),
HWSNBN mentioned that you called last evening regarding the incident yesterday when Darth Vader moved the chair on Luke Skywalker and he subsequently fell backwards and hit his head. Luke is very clear how this incident took place. He states that Darth pushed his light sabre off the table and when Luke leaned over to get his items Darth moved his chair so that he fell backwards. Darth made some sarcastic remarks to Luke (such as ... "ohhhhhh your light sabre fell.......).
This is not the first time Darth has been involved in specifically targeting Luke. In December I observed Darth purposely trip Luke. Darth was sitting in the chair closest to the inside door. When Luke passed to go to the library Darth stuck his foot out and tripped him. This was deliberate and Obi Wan Kenobi address it with Darth.
Somewhere along the way this child has been given the messaging that his behaviour is acceptable and tolerable. I recall that the Surrey School district has a policy of zero tolerance when it comes to bullying - however Luke has had his incidents of bullying minimized and on several occasions he has been assigned blame. I believe that by assigning blame to the bullying victim you only empower the child who has assaulted the other child. Perhaps this is where some of the messaging that Darth's behaviour is acceptable is coming from.
The behaviour that Darth has displayed to Luke is just mean and very typical behaviour of a child trying to gain acceptance from another child in his peer group. As an educator you are well aware that these tendencies do not bode well for that child's ongoing positive social development. I am speaking of the gang mentality between the 3 Republic boys. Any child who would purposely hurt another younger child while trying to gain the acceptance of a peer should be a growing concern to the adults around him.
We have been very clear to Luke that he is responsible for his own behaviour and not the behaviour of those around him. With this as our background we are teaching our son to be responsible for his actions.
Neither Yoda, Obi Wan Kenobi or myself observed the incident yesterday. I believe Luke's recollection of events as he has nothing to gain from telling an inaccurate story. The other children involved do have something to gain by minimizing their involvement or observations.
I am not convinced that consensus building conflict resolution is the best way of addressing bullying at this age / grade level. The children are still at a juncture were they believe in teacher and parental authority. They need to be advised about which behaviours are acceptable and which are not. There is no grey area when dealing with this kind of issue - the messaging needs to be consistent and clear. That kind of behaviour will not and should not be tolerated.
These are teaching moments for every child in a classroom. Unfortunately for Darth Vader, he learned yesterday that if your friends fib and you lie about an incident then you will get away with your mean spirited actions. Luke Skywalker has learned that people will get away with harming him and humiliating him in class even when he speaks out and tells the truth.
I am wholly disappointed in the reaction from the school in regards to the bullying going on in the classroom and on the playground this year. This latest event is just another example of how some children believe that they have the right to dominate and harass and embarrass other kids. This belief is not being challenged by the authority figures in the class and it repeats itself again and again and again.
I am also aware of the fact that I am continually being called to the school to deal with the aftermath of SOMEONE else's kids bad / assaultive behaviour. It is my son coming home early due to being punched in the head, being pushed into a puddle, stomped on or caused to fall and hit his head while the offender walks off and enjoy the rest of the day. Perhaps their parents are not even being notified that their child has assaulted another kid in class. For the record sometimes saying sorry is not enough to absolve a child for a bullying behaviour. 'Sorry' is an empty statement if it is not followed up with positive actions and change in behaviour.
In short I am not impressed and hope that next year bring a more stringent adherence to the Zero Tolerance around bullying.
Sincerely,
Just a Mom in a Galaxy Far Far Away
This is not the first time Darth has been involved in specifically targeting Luke. In December I observed Darth purposely trip Luke. Darth was sitting in the chair closest to the inside door. When Luke passed to go to the library Darth stuck his foot out and tripped him. This was deliberate and Obi Wan Kenobi address it with Darth.
Somewhere along the way this child has been given the messaging that his behaviour is acceptable and tolerable. I recall that the Surrey School district has a policy of zero tolerance when it comes to bullying - however Luke has had his incidents of bullying minimized and on several occasions he has been assigned blame. I believe that by assigning blame to the bullying victim you only empower the child who has assaulted the other child. Perhaps this is where some of the messaging that Darth's behaviour is acceptable is coming from.
The behaviour that Darth has displayed to Luke is just mean and very typical behaviour of a child trying to gain acceptance from another child in his peer group. As an educator you are well aware that these tendencies do not bode well for that child's ongoing positive social development. I am speaking of the gang mentality between the 3 Republic boys. Any child who would purposely hurt another younger child while trying to gain the acceptance of a peer should be a growing concern to the adults around him.
We have been very clear to Luke that he is responsible for his own behaviour and not the behaviour of those around him. With this as our background we are teaching our son to be responsible for his actions.
Neither Yoda, Obi Wan Kenobi or myself observed the incident yesterday. I believe Luke's recollection of events as he has nothing to gain from telling an inaccurate story. The other children involved do have something to gain by minimizing their involvement or observations.
I am not convinced that consensus building conflict resolution is the best way of addressing bullying at this age / grade level. The children are still at a juncture were they believe in teacher and parental authority. They need to be advised about which behaviours are acceptable and which are not. There is no grey area when dealing with this kind of issue - the messaging needs to be consistent and clear. That kind of behaviour will not and should not be tolerated.
These are teaching moments for every child in a classroom. Unfortunately for Darth Vader, he learned yesterday that if your friends fib and you lie about an incident then you will get away with your mean spirited actions. Luke Skywalker has learned that people will get away with harming him and humiliating him in class even when he speaks out and tells the truth.
I am wholly disappointed in the reaction from the school in regards to the bullying going on in the classroom and on the playground this year. This latest event is just another example of how some children believe that they have the right to dominate and harass and embarrass other kids. This belief is not being challenged by the authority figures in the class and it repeats itself again and again and again.
I am also aware of the fact that I am continually being called to the school to deal with the aftermath of SOMEONE else's kids bad / assaultive behaviour. It is my son coming home early due to being punched in the head, being pushed into a puddle, stomped on or caused to fall and hit his head while the offender walks off and enjoy the rest of the day. Perhaps their parents are not even being notified that their child has assaulted another kid in class. For the record sometimes saying sorry is not enough to absolve a child for a bullying behaviour. 'Sorry' is an empty statement if it is not followed up with positive actions and change in behaviour.
In short I am not impressed and hope that next year bring a more stringent adherence to the Zero Tolerance around bullying.
Sincerely,
Just a Mom in a Galaxy Far Far Away
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Dear Ambition (where art thou?),
It seems like just yesterday I could not sleep at night due to my ambition. It would keep me up at night - dreaming up ways that I could change the world. I had so many ideas and a naive notion that I alone could pursuade change through conversation. I had plans to write the LSAT, I had plans to travel, I had plans to be a one person change machine.
Today I am exhausted by the seemingly full time job of keeping my three kids alive (despite their valient efforts to tempt fate). Don't put that into a light socket, Don't climb up that structure, Don't eat THAT, Put your seat belt on (repeated to the same child at least 3x a day), Look both ways before you RUN out into traffic! That doesn't BELONG there, YOU need to put that stick down, Where is your helmet? Linden? Everly? Rowan? SOMEONE answer me before I call 911!!!!!
I wonder, when they are all squared away into the false safety of adolecense, if ambition will visit me again? I hope so. I miss it.
Today I am exhausted by the seemingly full time job of keeping my three kids alive (despite their valient efforts to tempt fate). Don't put that into a light socket, Don't climb up that structure, Don't eat THAT, Put your seat belt on (repeated to the same child at least 3x a day), Look both ways before you RUN out into traffic! That doesn't BELONG there, YOU need to put that stick down, Where is your helmet? Linden? Everly? Rowan? SOMEONE answer me before I call 911!!!!!
I wonder, when they are all squared away into the false safety of adolecense, if ambition will visit me again? I hope so. I miss it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)