Tuesday, June 3, 2008

You Oughtta Know....

I would estimate that 50% of my parenting energy goes towards 'crime prevention'.

By this I mean that I try to avert disaster before it strikes. LIke putting all sharp knives up high. Removing all things breakable from the play room. Hiding chocolate and other treats up high before the little truffle sniffers can find them and demand TREATS before breakfast. Putting my favourite and my best bath bubbles under the sink so that they do not get used for general bubble making. Poopi - scooping the backyard before allowing the kids to play in the backyard. And up until two weeks ago this list also included putting all paints and paint brushes on top of the bookcase in the den so that the kids could not make eye contact with said contra ban and I was totally in charge of when and if there was going to be 'fun with paint time'.

I should also note that part of my crime prevention program includes vetting out inappropriate gifts such as paints with warning labels which include instructions which explicitly state that you must wash paint immediately off anything you don't want stained forever. Unless said paint gift is from a relative that we see quite frequently. In which case I divert to plan B which is keep the paint but keep it out of sight. Honestly when this gift was given I spent a long time searching the instructions on the bottles for the words WASHABLE or Water Soluble. Nada. Might as well be oil based melamine as far as I was concerned. Who the hell buys permanent paint for a 4 year old???

In a moment of blind stupidity, or perhaps due to extreme sleep deprivation, or an undeniable need to putting everything back in its place during my nesting phase prior to going into labour on May 19th, I grabbed the paint and assorted brushes and put them back with their art supply brethearn.

Sure enough yesterday while I was trying to mesh swimming schedules there was an unearthly quiet in the dinning room. After the quiet registered I got up to see two little people looking really guilty with a streak of gold in their hair. And fists full of wet wipes which also look like they have been used to mop up a large amount of gold PAINT. In the dining room. On the dining room CARPET in three separate pools of paint (with some hot pink for flair).

On my knees and scrubbing for what seems like hours (but honestly must have been for about 5 minutes) and there is only a wisp of a colour change to the pools. They resemble huge skid marks. In that special mopped up post gold way - sort of green and brown after tones. So I DRENCH the carpet in fantastic Oxy clean. And then I spray it again with cleaner. Then I let it sit and start to scrub again after HWSNBN gets home ("Why weren't you supervising them?"). Nothing. Just three huge skid marks.

Now before anyone starts a bottle drive for me to get my carpets cleaned ASAP I should say that we have already bought the hardwood and planned on the weekend that HWSNBN will be putting the hardwood down. In fact the reason why the art easel is even in the dining room is because of the plans to change the flooring. The only glitch is that this particular project is not scheduled to begin until September.

So it shall be a summer of skid marks in the dining room. Please look away when you come over....

For the record I have dispensed with the unwashable paint. And I dare the wrath of the relative to rain on me. Of course I will give them the Van Gogh tour when they come over next......

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